Missing You
by kurenai cakes
Summary: Severus is having a hard time coping with the fact that Lily Evans, the unrequited love of his life, is dead and that he never got a chance to act on his feelings


Um Hi! This is my first ever Harry Potter fic-yay. I wrote this fic last year and decided to revise it and post it. I hope it doesn't suck too bad.

This dedicated to one of my Besties! This is for you Kenny; hope you like it.

Love ya!

Inspirational Music: 2ne1- "Missing You" & Katy Perry "The One That Got Away"

**Missing You**

A picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words. At least that's how the stupid cliché goes. But that's such a fucking lie.

As the dark haired man stares at the photograph in his hand, he's speechless. Why wouldn't he be? She was the unrequited love of his life, the woman who held his heart in her hand only to crush it in the end. The photo captured the physical manifestation of her beauty. He'd known her long enough to experience the grace of her heart, her friendship and loyalty.

The photo

Fair skin. Full, pink lips. Dark red hair that fell to her shoulders. Piercing green eyes.-Such a beautiful creature. One too good to be true. Too good to grace this earth, let alone grace his dark soul with its presence. Too beautiful for him. It's no wonder why he fell in love with such a pure source of love, happiness, and energy.

It's not like he'd ever had a chance anyway, then or now. The former because he's hurt her, ruining their friendship and sending her into the arms of another, the one and only James Potter. The latter because she married Potter, had his baby and died.

Lily Evans

"_Where did we go wrong," _the man thinks only for the truth to come back just as quickly "_Oh that's right. I was an idiot"_

**.**

**.**

**.**

They met as children; they were neighbors. And he was the one who told her what she was when she discovered that she wasn't a normal little girl. He told her that she was special, a witch. And together they ventured into the world of wizardry together. They went to Hogwarts as best friends, Gryffindor and Slytherin be damned. Lily Evans and Severus Snape. They were on the fast track to transitioning their friendship into something else, but like a black cat, he was curious and angry at the world for his horrible childhood ( not counting Lily of course because she brightening his life whenever she was around. And when she wasn't around, his life fucking sucked). Combined both of these factors led him to the Dark Arts, a more promising and fulfilling method of magic. As a result, he made powerful friends, purebloods whose families had practiced the Dark Arts of centuries, disliked those of mixed blood and simply abhorred mudbloods.

Being a dark genius worked in his favor, detracting from the stain of a muggle father **w**ho tainted his conception. The longer he was in the presence of these purebloods, the more he became indoctrinated to their philosophies. Up until now, he and Lily had been friends. That was until...until he took her heritage as a muggleborn and held it against her. He called her that cursed word.

"Mudblood"

It was stupid. He had no right to discriminate when he wasn't a full blooded wizard either. He hadn't meant to say that word. Mentally, he'd compartmentalized that word into a list that was only reserved for usage around his pure blooded friends. But he and she were arguing and that word just slipped out. And that slip of the tongue costed him everything. His best friend. His potential future and any hopes of happiness. After she left him, he resigned himself to excessive cynicism and hatred. He joined Voldemort, becoming a wretched Death Eater, while she moved on with James Potter, one of his worst enemies.

He wished that he could rewind time and fix his mistake. He'd made so many, mistakes and wrong turns on his road of life, leading him to the lonely, desolate wasteland of anguish that he now wallowed in. He was all alone and he wished he could fix it. Merlin, he wished he could fix it.

**...**

**Severus and Lily are in his dormitory. None of his other roommates are in anyway. that's a good thing since the he and Lily are talking. More like arguing. It seemed that all the two friends did as of late: argue. This time, something is different. Instead of of asking her to leave as he would normally do, he couldn't stop talking.**

"**Dammit, Lily! I love you!" The words slipped out his mouth before the black-haired teen could stop himself. The secret that was supposed to follow him to the grave had now been spoken into the air, to the one person he dreamed about for years. **

**The words hung in the air for a while as black eyes started into green ones, both pairs wide in shock. He waited for her to do something, say something, anything. To either laugh and shoot him down or walk away. She did neither. **

**Then suddenly, Severus felt Lily's lips on his. They were everything he thought they'd be. Soft. Luscious. Amazing. The contrasting textures of his rough chapped lips and her soft luscious lips scared him stiff. He didn't respond at first. Lily pulled back and repeated the sacred words back to him, the words he'd dreamt of hearing her say them from the first time they met.**

"**I love you, Severus"**

**These words pulled Severus from the Lily-induced stupor that fogged his mind. Not one to waste an opportunity, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling Lily close. Clumsily, as a result, Severus fell onto the bed, pulling Lily down on top of him. **

**He had no idea what he was doing; he just allowed the lustful instinct that awakened after his first wet dream to take over. He softly weaved his right hand into her dark red locks and crushed their lips together.**

**The passion escalated into something that was strong to be contained in a small kiss. Mouths opened; tongues clashed; teeth gnashed. Pretty soon, their clothed bodies were grinding in an effort to relieve the sexual tension that had exponentially been increasing since the start of the kiss. And clothes were shed.**

**First to go were the shoes and robes. Then their shirts. Next his pants and her skirt. Last but not least, the underwear. Clothing was shed until their was nothing left. They were chest to chest, nose to nose, palm to palm, arousal to arousal. No barriers separated them. **

**It was a clumsy union. Both knew the mechanics of sex, but had no idea how to apply them. Foreplay was a mesh of 'ows' and 'that hurts' as they got into basic position. And when he roughly breached her Maidenhead, they were no longer virgins. After many half-hazard thrusts and cries of pain, pleasure began to take effect. Lily's beautiful face turned toward the ceiling, red hair pooling in a halo above her head, back arched upwards, firm breasts pressed into his chest. **

**The sight she presented fascinated him. Her inhibitions lowered and allowed her flawless figure to surrender to the throes of passion that was their lovemaking. **

**Merlin was she vocal! Her screams of his name were music to his ears. Severus found himself answering her moans with groans of his own praise of her body as he pumped in and out of her pliant body.**

**The scene was beautiful.**

**As the end drew near, Severus' stomach tightened in a familiar fashion-he was no stranger to masturbation. When Lily finally spasmed in orgasmic bliss, Severus tumbled over the precipice right after. And when he tumbled, he was transcended to heaven. Lily was his metaphysical doorway to heaven. **

"**I-I lo-love you." he whispered, his sweaty face, falling forward to nestle in between the valley of her breasts.**

**...**

The world around him swiveled. His old silver and green Hogwarts dorm room faded away to the black, depressing decor of his present residence. And Lily wasn't with him.

That's right. She's dead.

The sex didn't happen. All he had with him was an old photo of her. He'd been daydreaming. His sticky hand that was situated down the front of his pants was a testament to that. The picture in his left hand fell to the floor, and his right hand was hastily withdrawn from the confines of his pants. Wiping the remnants of his orgasm from his hand onto his pants leg, Severus rose from his bed, stood and walked to his dresser mirror.

He stared at himself in the reflective surface. The greasy dark hair. The dull black eyes. The unattractive face. Ultimately, he was disgusted with himself, what he become in the last decade or so. By default, he fantasized about the happiness that would've been his if he and Lily had gotten together.

"What's the point" he growled to himself when the fantasies became to overwhelming. "It'll never happen. SHE'S DEAD! LILY'S DEAD!"

The pain of this knowledge quickly ravaged his body, hurting his heart even more than already.

"You idiot" he screamed . "It's all your fault"

What if scenarios played within his mind, reminding his all too vividly that if he'd never hurt her, Lily would still be here. But now was not the time to dwell on the irreconcilable past. Lill would never come back to him.

That fact alone caused tears to prick these dark eyes staring at him. Taking his right hand, Severus angrily punched the mirror holding that disgraceful reflection of his. Ignoring the bloodied mess of a hand, Severus fell to the floor clutching his sides in a self-hug as tears and sobs racked his body.

His only thought:

Lily, I Miss You

**Tell me what you think. If this sucks, let me know and I'll probably rewrite it. Thanks for reading. You guys are awesome.**

**~ Kurenai Cakes**


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